Instead of cooking or baking or even cleaning my dirty ass house, I’ve been reading Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series and eating summer sausage and drinking fanta. 

FML.

I found this little restaurant at chowhound, and from the reviews it sounded pretty delicious so we thought we’d give it a try.  Other than the very odd and yet comical wait to get seated, it was a great experience.

About 15 minutes after they opened (we were hungry for an early dinner) we walked in, the whole place was empty, which is to be expected.  Here is how it played out:

waitress #1: Hello! Have you been helped?  Oh let me get the maitre d’ for you!
30 seconds later…
maitre d: Hello!  I’m Eric, I’ll be right with you!
1 minute later…
waitress #2: Hi! Have you been helped?  Let me go get Eric for you!
25 seconds later…
waiter #3: Hello there, Eric will be right with you!
1 minute later…..
Eric: Hi, sorry about the wait!
At this point, we didn’t see anybody else in the restaurant and it was almost comical.  What is Eric doing back there?
a) Sewing up a rip in his new pants
b) Beating the last level of Super Mario Bros
c) It’s a portal to a parallel universe where he is also the maitre d’ OH MY GOD THAT BLEW MY MIND.
d) All of the above.
Eric proceeded to greet us, and spent about 30 seconds hacking the gibson typing on the computer, then run off again, I mean literally, he ran away.  I think he went to get more menus.  I didn’t ask.
1 minute later…
Eric asked for our names, and 30 seconds later we sat down.

I work for the government, and this whole process was very familiar to me so I didn’t really mind.  I still don’t know if there’s another dining room or parallel universe in the back or what, but he seemed to really enjoy it back there.

We started off with an amuse-bouche, which I love because I love eating duh. It’s a shrimp spring roll garnished with grapefruit, in a mint basil pesto.  Everything about this was delicious, except the wrapper was doubled and tripled over so many times that the outer layer seemed a bit gelatinous and thick.  Don’t get me wrong, this was delicious and only $2.50, can’t go wrong with that.

Our next course was the SHEFZILLA SURPRISE.  Yup, this is actually the picture on the menu.  It’s a dinosaur, wearing a chef’s hat, if you can’t tell.  You are not allowed to know what it is before you order it, because duh stupid, it’s a surprise.  They do tell you the price, and today it was $11. You also have to let them know of any allergies you might have, like the table next to us, guy was all “I’m allergic to shellfish” – wow dude, sucks to be you.  This idea is pretty genius, I mean how do you NOT order that?  Just look at the picture!

And now… the surprise!  It’s a seared diver scallop in a carrot foam with dehydrated corn.  Also a very tasty dish, the corn was especially great because it gave the scallop some sweetness.  The only awful part is that there is only one scallop and I had to share it with Sean. I ate really fast and I think I got most of it, sucker!

Our main courses, I had the Australian sea bass with parsley puree, parsnips, and creamy mussel foam, topped with some crispy wonton skins.  This was amaaaaazing, probably the best sea bass I’ve had.  And you wouldn’t think a parsley puree would taste good, but it had little chunks of parsnips inside that gave it a really sweet flavor and it complemented the sea bass perfectly.  Although I do have to say, I’m not a huge fan of foam, just give me the broth ok, I really don’t need it to be bubbly and textured, it doesn’t add much to a dish.

Bacon is delicious, and cupcakes are delicious, so it’s only natural that they come together.  (Do not try substituting bacon for sushi as my coworker suggested, this delicious formula does not always work.)  If you are daring greedy like me and make both kinds at the same time, I would suggest cooking all your bacon at once and refrigerate your bacon drippings right away so it can solidify.  For frosting, I made the chocolate one from a very basic frosting recipe, butter, cocoa powder, and a lot of powdered sugar.  The maple frosting, I used a can of butter cream frosting that was pre-made, and honestly I think I like the pre-made butter cream than the chocolate frosting!  To save yourself some time, definitely buy the frosting, it’s a lot quicker and a lot less messy, especially if you’re making two kinds of cupcakes at once.

So which cupcake wins this showdown?  I think my vote is for the chocolate, but I’m partial to chocolate.  Sean thinks the cupcakes would’ve been just as good without the bacon, but he’s a fascist so lets not listen to what he has to say.  Next time I make these, I will use a thicker cut bacon for more of the bacon flavor, and perhaps more than just 6 slices because I kind of love bacon.

Dark Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes

6 slices bacon, cooked, drained, chopped into small pieces.
1 cup cake flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 egg
1/2 cup strong brewed coffee
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. and line muffin pan with cupcake liners. This recipe makes 12 cupcakes.
Cook the bacon until brown. Drain, and crumble into small pieces.
Combine the dry ingredients in a bowl and whisk.
Add the wet ingredients and stir just until blended – do not over mix.(Make sure your coffee isn’t too hot so it doesn’t cook your egg!)
Add 3/4 of the bacon, folding it in with a rubber spatula.
Fill muffin pans and bake for 20 minutes until done.
Cool completely before frosting.
*This batter is fairly wet, a much different texture than the maple bacon cupcakes below.

Maple Bacon Cupcakes

6 slices bacon, cooked, drained, chopped into small pieces.
1/2 tbsp of bacon drippings, refrigerated until solid
4 1/2 tbsp butter, room temperature
5 tbsp of brown sugar
4 tbsp maple syrup
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/4 cup cake flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line muffin pan with cupcake liners. This recipe makes 12 cupcakes.
Cream the refrigerated bacon fat with the butter, the brown sugar, and the maple syrup until light and fluffy.
Beat in the egg and milk. This won’t incorporate 100% and it’ll look a little runny.
Add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture. Do not over mix.
Fold in the bacon with a rubber spatula.
Fill prepared muffin pans, the batter is very thick and it will look like there’s not enough batter to make 12 cupcakes, but just space them as evenly as possible, this batter will rise.
bake for 18-22 minutes until done.
Cool completely before frosting.

Have you ever wondered which is better, a maple brown sugar bacon cupcake, or a dark chocolate bacon cupcake?  Oh you have?!  ME TOO!  I’m off to the grocery store to buy ingredients for both, and soon we will have a bacon-cupcake-off.

This is probably one of the easiest pork dishes I’ve ever stumble upon, and probably one of the best tasting too.  The glaze is very flavorful and if you like sweet and spicy, this is a must try.  I will definitely be making this more often.  The recipe is from epicurious but with some alterations. I substituted 5 Asian chiles from my garden instead of the red jalapeños.  I like my sauces HOT.  I also incorporated minced pineapple chunks for texture.  Garnished with parsley instead of cilantro, no real reason, just didn’t have any cilantro on hand.  The green beans, I simply sautéed with a tablespoon of minced garlic in olive oil.  One bit of advice tho, sugar can go from clear and boiling to brown and syrupy very fast – and don’t burn yourself, sugar burns suck!

Ingredients:

• 1 cup pineapple juice, divided
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped seeded red jalapeño chiles
• 3/4 teaspoon ground allspice
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 2 3/4-pound pork tenderloins
• Chopped fresh cilantro
• 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped seeded red jalapeño chiles
• 3/4 teaspoon ground allspice
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 2 3/4-pound pork tenderloins
• Chopped fresh cilantro

Preparation:

1. Preheat oven to 500°F. Bring 3/4 cup pineapple juice and sugar to boil in heavy large saucepan over high heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Cover; boil until syrup is deep brown, checking frequently to prevent burning, about 8 minutes. Remove from heat. Immediately swirl in remaining 1/4 cup pineapple juice, chiles, and allspice. When bubbling stops, whisk in lime juice and season with salt and pepper. Pour 1/4 cup glaze into small bowl and reserve.
2. Line baking sheet with foil; place rack in center of sheet. Sprinkle pork with salt and pepper; place on rack. Brush with glaze from saucepan. Roast until thermometer inserted into center of pork registers 145°F, brushing occasionally with glaze from saucepan, about 15 minutes. Slice pork. Drizzle with reserved glaze and sprinkle with cilantro.

Tomato risotto, kind of a recipe I found and changed a lot because I didn’t have a few of the ingredients.  It was very rich in tomato flavor and the onion gives it nice texture.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 pounds tomatoes
• 3 cups chicken stock
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 2 cups finely chopped onion
• 1 cup Arborio or Carnaroli rice
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

Directions:

1. Blanch tomatoes in boiling water and peel tomatoes.
2. Squeeze juice from tomato, discarding seeds. Finely dice tomato flesh.
3. Bring chicken stock and tomato liquid to a simmer in a medium saucepan and keep at a bare simmer.
4. Meanwhile, heat oil and butter in a heavy medium saucepan over medium heat until foam subsides, then add onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and beginning to turn golden, 12 to 15 minutes.
5. Add rice and cook, stirring constantly, until it turns opaque, about 3 minutes. Reduce heat to medium-low, then add wine and cook, stirring, until absorbed. Continue simmering and adding hot tomato-chicken stock, 1 cup at a time, stirring frequently and letting each addition be absorbed before adding the next, until rice is tender and creamy-looking but still al dente, 18 to 25 minutes total.
6. Stir in diced tomatoes, cheese, and salt and pepper to taste. Thin with stock if desired.

I love congee. This is a pork congee because I bought a bunch of pork briskets from Costco. The recipe is pretty much exactly like how I made the chicken congee but with sliced pork, with the addition of some little pork meatballs. I ground up the brisket meat in a food processor, I was very impressed with myself.

little pork meatballs

mix ground pork, soy sauce, fish sauce, sesame oil, scallions, minced ginger, minced garlic, and a spoon of corn starch together, I usually use 1 tablespoon for every pound of pork, all the rest of the seasoning is to taste. Drop meatballs in boiling water, they will float to the top when they are done. Easy huh.